... Easily made, easily broken. When I started this diet, I was 17st 11Ibs (249Ibs) and 5'6". That puts me in the obsese category on most weight/height relative charts. I wasn't always big, but I got bullied from a young age and found food as a comfort. The weight has crept on over the years - I'm heavier now that I was when I was pregnant with my daughter. How depressing...

I started this diet determined that this would be the time I lost it all. I wasn't going to give up this time. When I think back on what I've actually eaten this week, I'm disgusted with myself.

It's hard, this dieting lark. I know that it's me who controls what I put in my mouth, but sometimes I just can't seem to. Whenever I feel down, I eat. Whenever I get stressed out, I eat. I feel out of control with it, because at the moment all I have felt is down, or stressed. It's a tough habit to break.

I have a particularly slim and beautiful friend. I want her hair, I want her stomach, I want her ass, I'd probably want slightly bigger boobs than she has but hey, to have those other things I'd happily trade my boulders. She can go into all the shops I want to go in, and buy whatever it is she wants to buy, because she can put it on and know that she looks great in it. I hate shopping. I hate dragging myself around the shops, desperately clinging to the hope of finding something to wear that makes me look half decent. And most of the time I don't succeed. I want that to change.

I want to change feeling self conscious around absolutely everyone, all the time. I want to be able to change my body language and give off positive vibes, instead of clinging to myself and trying to hide my figure (and trust me, that's not an easy task). I want to stop feeling awkward and clumsy, especially around men.

Ideally, I want to find someone who's gonna love me whatever I look like, but I know realistically that the nicer a package I put myself in, the more chance I get of finding him... So wish me luck on my journey...

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